Prez Says: Maintaining Good Relationships

The Prez Says… Last week I received an e-mail at work with the subject line screaming in capital letters, “YOU ARE DELINQUENT!” The manager who sent it wrote the entire message in caps, saying that “high level administrators” knew that my mandatory training requirement wasn’t done, that there had been repeated messages to do it, and that it had to be done by 5 p.m. or there would be “consequences.” I was out of the office that day, and replied that I had completed the requirement a month earlier, and that I had a full day of appointments and obligations. I said that if I could access the training site remotely I would redo it that day, but if not, I’d redo it the next morning before 8 a.m. The manager replied that getting this job task done took precedent over anything else I had to do in my life. I was offended, angry and upset for the next 2 days about being treated so insensitively. Ironically, the training topic was about restraint and seclusion of patients, which isn’t even applicable in my adult outpatient clinic setting. There was no quiz involved, just acknowledgment that the policy had been read. It was ultimately confirmed that I had completed the requirement over a month earlier, but an IT systems error hadn’t registered my completion.

I believe that there is no job task at work that is more important than the relationship between the supervisor and employee. It is essential that employees know that they are respected, cared about, and valued. Even difficult situations can be effectively resolved when approached with the goal of maintaining the relationship. When I have a boss (or leader) who is genuine regarding having a good relationship, I am more motivated.

Isn’t this true in all areas of life? There is no task, possession, or checklist that is more important than maintaining a good relationship with our family and others. Our greatest impact is in our personal relationships. We need to pay attention and listen carefully to those we supervise (or serve) as well as to those who supervise (and serve) us. We are to “increase and abound in love one toward another, and toward all men,” (1 Thess.3:12) and “be willing to communicate.” (1 Tim. 6:18)

This week I spoke with my manager and shared my thoughts about relationships being more important than job tasks. She has been a manager for only a year, and had never thought about this. She thanked me, said that she’d never send another e-mail like the offending one, and asked if I would be willing to meet with her periodically to discuss leadership principles. I agreed. I can share a lot about leadership principles—I learned them from my church leaders as they have taught and lived gospel principles.

Introducing Jessica J. Loftus Edwards

This past Sunday we were pleased to meet the newest member of our Relief Society, Jessica Edwards. Here is a short introduction she wrote for us:

"I was born in California and moved to Michigan when I was only a few months old. I received a scholarship to Wayne State University in Detroit and that is where I received my Bachelors and Masters Degrees in Physics. Yes, I am a geek. I met my husband in 2000 at an Institute class in Westland and he is also a local who served his mission in Argentina. We were married at the end of 2000 and had been living in Taylor, MI until our move here to Ann Arbor. We are expecting our first child, a girl, in the middle of October."

Welcome to Ann Arbor, Jessica (and husband, Mike)!

24 June 2007: Michelle Rackley teaches "The Tongue of Angels"

Our lesson today, taught by Michelle Rackley, was based on Jeffrey R. Holland's April 2007 General Conference address, "The Tongue of Angels." We started by spending a few minutes writing down silently any thought that came to our minds on a piece of paper. Then we labeled each thought as negative or positive. Michelle emphasized that no thought was neutral. Ask yourself, she said, if the thought leads you towards hope and faith, or anger and doubt.

Michelle then summarized some of the main points of Elder Holland's talk. He mentioned the power of our words. He encouraged us to speak more kindly. She read us this quote from the talk:

I love what Elder Orson F. Whitney once said: “The spirit of the gospel is optimistic; it trusts in God and looks on the bright side of things. The opposite or pessimistic spirit drags men down and away from God, looks on the dark side, murmurs, complains, and is slow to yield obedience.” We should honor the Savior’s declaration to “be of good cheer.” (Indeed, it seems to me we may be more guilty of breaking that commandment than almost any other!)

Then she told us that she wanted to focus her lesson on this part of Elder Holland's talk:

In all of this, I suppose it goes without saying that negative speaking so often flows from negative thinking, including negative thinking about ourselves. We see our own faults, we speak—or at least think—critically of ourselves, and before long that is how we see everyone and everything. No sunshine, no roses, no promise of hope or happiness. Before long we and everybody around us are miserable.

Our thoughts determine what we say, as well as our actions. In trying to think of examples of people from the scriptures who changed their negative thoughts into positive ones, Michelle remembered Nephi in 2 Nephi 4. She also thought of Joseph Smith's prayers in the Doctrine and Covenants. Both of these men were able to change their thoughts from despair to praise for God. Eric suggested that Michelle try to find examples of more ordinary people from the scriptures who weren't prophets, but who also succeeded in combating negative thoughts. she read to us an example of a group of ordinary people in Ether 6: 5-11

5 And it came to pass that the Lord God caused that there should be a ^afurious wind blow upon the face of the waters, ^btowards the promised land; and thus they were tossed upon the waves of the sea before the wind.

6 And it came to pass that they were many times buried in the depths of the sea, because of the mountain waves which broke upon them, and also the great and terrible tempests which were caused by the fierceness of the wind.

7 And it came to pass that when they were buried in the deep there was no water that could hurt them, their vessels being ^atight like unto a dish, and also they were tight like unto the ^bark of Noah; therefore when they were encompassed about by many waters they did cry unto the Lord, and he did bring them forth again upon the top of the waters.

8 And it came to pass that the wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land while they were upon the waters; and thus they were ^adriven forth before the wind.

9 And they did ^asing praises unto the Lord; yea, the brother of Jared did sing praises unto the Lord, and he did ^bthank and praise the Lord all the day long; and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord.

10 And thus they were driven forth; and no monster of the sea could break them, neither ^awhale that could mar them; and they did have light continually, whether it was above the water or under the water.

11 And thus they were driven forth, ^athree hundred and forty and four days upon the water.

She asked us to picture ourselves on a road trip with all of our extended family, friends, and animals, for 340 days. Could you sing praises to God? When I feel myself passing through a tempest, she said, I spend my time asking God for help, not singing his praises. She also read us Alma 62:41

41 But behold, because of the exceedingly great length of the war between the Nephites and the Lamanites many had become hardened, because of the exceedingly great length of the war; and many were softened because of their ^aafflictions, insomuch that they did humble themselves before God, even in the depth of humility.

She asked herself if she would be the person who hardened her heart in the midst of a war, or if her heart would be softened.

To open the time for a discussion of how our thoughts have affected us at different times in our life, Michelle shared this experience of her own. On Tuesday, her son broke his leg. They didn't realize it was broken, and when the nurse came back in with the x-rays, they were shocked. Michelle was flooded with negative thoughts. As she walked across the hospital from her son's appointment to her own ultrasound, she remembered this lesson that she was preparing. She prayed that God would take away her negative thoughts. It didn't happen right away, but comforting, positive thoughts began slipping into her mind bit by bit over the next few hours. During the time of her purely negative thoughts, she could feel herself being snappy with the doctors and nurses, and she knew that it was only a matter of time before she turned on her husband and children. She told us that she knows a broken leg isn't as big a problem as many of the problems of sisters in our ward, but she hoped we would be willing to share with the class any experience, large or small, where our thoughts affected us.

S.S. was the first to speak. She told us about how her husband is one of eight children, and when she first learned of this, S. thought his mother must be crazy. When she met her, she couldn't believe how nice she was, and thought she must be faking it. S. found out that her husband's mother had made a covenant with God after her first few children were born that she would not raise her voice with her children, or say any negative things to them. S. could not believe that a person could do this, but her husband told her that his mother had indeed kept her promise to the Lord. S.'s initial reaction was to say to herself that yelling a lot at your kids is not that big of a deal. But when she hears her 7 1/2 year old emulating her, mothering her little sisters, and she raises her voice with them, S. can see that she doesn't want that for her family. She told us that she has been reading her scriptures and praying for help to not be harsh or nasty in her reactions to her children. She feels better about herself and her relationship with them. She can now see where her mother-in-law was coming from when she made this commitment to the Lord, and it gives her a direction to aim for.

Next, L.J. shared a strategy that worked for her. She has never been much of a little kid person, but she knew she wanted big kids, and thus had to start with little ones. She just told herself this over and over when her children were small (have to have little kids to get big kids), and it helped her get through her days.

P.F. told us that she struggles daily with negative thoughts. In her work, she is in front of people all day, and has to be so careful to not start down a negative path in her mind so that she can control what she says and does around her customers. She has made a commitment to study the scriptures in the morning before work. She has never been a very good memorizer, but the other day she found some scriptures that she really wanted to learn to help her with her negative thoughts. She was able to memorize 4 verses in 10 minutes, which is a miracle. Those 4 verses, as well as the words to a hymn that took her two months to memorize, repeated over and over, along with a constant prayer in her heart, help her get through the difficult moments.

Michelle responded by saying that during our Mother's Day musical tribute, she heard the song "I Feel My Savior's Love" and felt prompted to memorize that word to that hymn. She also mentioned the title of a book her mother had once read: "You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought." She said that negative thinking actually causes physiological changes to take place in our bodies that are harmful to us.

S.S. said that when she feels tension at home and wants to yell she has been trying to break into song instead. Her children know the words to many primary songs, and singing these cuts the tension.

S.S. (#2) said in response to P.F. that she has felt a sweet feeling around her place of business and now she realizes that it was the Spirit brought by P.'s prayers and efforts. She also said that when she is having a hard week she reminds herself that in just a few days she'll be back together with her fellow saints on Sunday.

T.B. said that she beats herself up constantly. When she has a bad thought, she gets upset with herself for having it. She's learned that if she can embrace the thought, it helps her to deal with and move past it. She said that as a child she was surrounded by the darkness of her parents' unkindnesses toward her. As hard as she tries to change her thoughts today, their voices still echo in her head, dragging her down. She prays every day for help, but it is not enough.

To this, Michelle responded, "it is enough." She said that she had wanted to talk about exceptions. She told us that for those of us with backgrounds of abuse, or who struggle with depression and other mental illnesses, it is harder to fight negative thoughts. She said that in praying for a loved one recently, who struggles with untreated depression and bipolar illness, and can be unkind, she felt the Lord tell her that this loved one is doing everything He wants her to do, and that in His eyes she is just fine. Heavenly Father understands our struggles and the origins of them. She read us a quote by David O. McKay, who said that the thought in our mind right now is contributing to the shaping of our soul. How we think, Michelle said, affects how we look. We can become more beautiful by filling our minds with positive thoughts. Others will be more attracted to us, and feel that they are near their Savior when they are with us. She asked us to get out our papers where we had written our thoughts. She told us that for every negative thought on our paper, we should write a positive response to it. She thanked us for sharing our experiences with the class, and for baring our souls. She told us that God has given us the ability to change our negative thoughts through prayer and the Atonement so that we can be filled with light.

Prez Says: News Headlines

The Prez Says… Reading and processing world news becomes more and more overwhelming. I empathize with Lily Tomlin when she quips, “No matter how cynical I get, I just can’t keep up.” News reports are filled with fear and anguish, dehumanization, personal tragedy, threats of terrorism, and all manner of vile things. Woody Allen stated, “More than at any time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we’ll have the wisdom to choose correctly.” His sentiment is humorous because we recognize that it contains some truth. Indeed, our news headlines are consistent with what we’ve been told to expect in the last days.

Yet President Hinckley has always, and continues to, paint a hopeful picture about the world. “I see so much good in people everywhere. Wonderful things are happening around the world.” He has observed and commented on the wonders of technology, and he reminds us that living in the last days gives us unique opportunities and blessings as we align ourselves with the righteous. President Hinckley’s optimism and energy instructs us to “be of good cheer for (he) will lead (us) along.” (D&C 61:36; 78:18)

News headlines remind us of the difficulty of our times, but more importantly, President Hinckley reminds us that through repentance and obedience to the Lord we can experience gospel gladness and joy regardless of what the newspaper headlines (or Woody Allen) might say.

17 June 2007: My notes on Sondra's lesson

Sondra told us that she has been asked to teach more than one lesson on integrity. Each time, she has told the following story. Her dad has had periods of activity and inactivity in the church. Because he is so capable, during his periods of activity, he has had many church duties. One of those was to staff the church welfare farm for their area. He made a lot of phone calls. In time, he discovered that many active members of the church would readily agree to work at the farm, but then not show up. Less active members, however, would say yes or no, but if they said yes, they always followed through. Someone mentioned the scripture that says let your yea be yea and your nay, nay (James 5:12).

Sondra directed our attention to the board, where she had written a definition of integrity taken from the words of President Kimball (see handout in previous post). She underlined the phrase "unadulterated genuineness", saying that she just loves this part. We need to ask ourselves, what is right for me in the situation, not what are others thinking. Julie shared an experience with her son's preschool in which she acted with integrity and others reacted badly. Because many of the parents at the school were poor, they decided that for a group trip to the zoo, they would organize themselves into false family groups, in order to make use of the available zoo passes. Because Julie didn't want to teach her son that it is acceptable to deceive others, she quietly went to the school and told them that she would prefer to pay her own way. This made people very angry, and they stopped talking to her for the rest of the year. Sondra pointed out that how we deal with seemingly small issues really affects children. She remembered how as a young person she was quite small, and her family would say that she was 12 so that she could get into the movies at a reduced price. This never felt right to her, it made her feel confused and uneasy, because it didn't match what she was learning at church.

President Kimball teaches that integrity gives us confidence, peace, and security. Michelle G. told the story of a recent Sunday when they came home from church to find the neighbor kids jumping on their trampoline. Her boys, knowing about their own rule of not using the tramp on Sundays, asked if it was alright for other people to use it. Michelle felt that with her children watching, she needed to stand firm, so she went out and kindly explained to the neighbors that the trampoline is closed on Sundays. Sondra said that both Julie's experience and Michelle's sounded scary to her, but important.

I (Andrea) talked about my experience as a 17 year old exchange student in Japan. At the end of the year, after living with 4 different host families, I attended a dinner with all of my families. The mothers had never met each other, and we all sat at a table together. The first thing they asked each other was, "when Andy lived with you, did she go to church every Sunday?" And then, "when Andy lived with you, did she skip two meals on the first Sunday of every month?" Those were the very first things they wanted to know from each other. I was so glad that I had been consistent.

Natalie told a story about how she was always very modest as a teenager because her parents taught them how important that was. The one time she decided to not be modest was when her cross country team ran a race in only their sports bras. This was a tradition, and she decided to join in, thinking that no one would know. But lots of her leaders ended up coming to the race, and then her picture ended up in in the newspaper. She was so humiliated. Sondra responded by saying that two times in her life, she spent her tithing money, and both times her car was wrecked the same day.

Sondra asked, what do we most want to hide from those we love and respect? We need to look for and acknowledge our well-hidden hypocricies. We read Moses 4: 14-16 and Sondra pointed out that it was Satan who suggested that Adam and Even hide from God. Hiding is his principle. It is because we don't trust the Lord enough that we hold on to things that we don't want to know about ourselves or don't want others to know about us. President Kimball says that we all have the tendency to justify our behavior. How do we do this, what do we say to ourselves? Julie says that when she catches herself justifying she know she needs to step back and see what she is doing. Lea said that often we don't want to hurt others' feelings, and we use that as a justification.

Michelle R. talked about a really hard week she had, and how in the end she realized that one of the problems getting in the way of receiving the Lord's blessings and gifts is hiding from past mistakes. It is hard to open up and see the truth about ourselves. Sondra said that people are so complex, it is very hard to sort through all of our layers. Kathy said that if we don't feel good about ourselves we give up on ourselves. The adversary uses discouragement. Sondra: we deny God's love for us and what he wants to do for us.

Paula: how do we go back and make up for times when we've not acted with integrity? What can we do to make things right? Sondra: I really think that is what the repentance process is for. A friend of hers joined the church as an adult, and she had had an abortion. Her Bishop wanted to help her make restitution for this. She was very poor, and he asked her to donate money to Save the Children for one year. This helped her. Lisa J.: we can use our past mistakes to help us teach and relate to others, especially our children or the youth. And we need to be careful that when we learn of others' past mistakes, that we let them grow past those mistakes.

Sondra ended by sharing the story of Arthur Kane from the documentary New York Doll. She was especially touched by the prayer he offered backstage before going out for his reunion concert with his band in London. Integrity takes courage, determination, and practice.

Introducing Julie Kincaid

For those of you who don't get to attend RS on Sundays, it can be hard to get to know the new sisters that move in to our ward. So let me introduce you to our newest addition, Julie Kincaid. Here is what Julie wrote about herself:

I was born/raised in Anchorage, AK. I am one of 8 kids. I went to college in Seattle, and studied Economics. I went on a mission to Scotland. Five years ago we moved from Seattle to Michigan for my husband Jesse's Radiology residency, which was in Royal Oak. Now we are here to do a final year of fellowship training in Neuro-Radiology. We have 4 kids, ages 10, 8, 4, 2, and another one due in December. :) (I forgot to mention that today...we are just starting to tell people and sometimes I forget, which is amazing because usually I feel so crummy that it's all I think about) We are living in a rental house in the NW corner of the ward, close to Jackson and Zeeb roads.

Welcome, Julie! I wish I had a picture to post...

17 June 2007: SWK #12 Integrity

Sondra Soderborg taught our lesson today from the Spencer W. Kimball Manual, chapter 12: "Integrity."

I am posting her handout immediately for your perusal. I will add a second post with my notes soon. Here is her handout:

Integrity defined by President Kimball: quality of being complete, undivided or unbroken. It is something whole, unimpaired. It is purity and moral soundness, unadulterated genuineness and deep sincerity. It is courage, honesty, uprightness and righteousness.

I think of it as one’s values and beliefs being fully integrated into one’s thoughts, actions and choices.

President Kimball says that integrity does not ask, “’What will others think of me and my practices,’ but ‘What do I think of myself if I do this or fail to do that?’ Is it proper? Is it right? Would the Master approve?”

Integrity brings peace, sureness and security. Lack of it brings disunity, fear sorrow unsureness. What are examples from your life of confidence arising from integrity?

It is important that we examine our lives regularly and look for our well-hidden hypocrisies, dishonesties and rationalizations. What do we most want to hide from those we love and respect?

In Moses 4:14-16, Adam and Eve, having partaken of the fruit, realize that they are naked and seek to hide from the Lord. It is Satan who has encouraged them to hide. Most of us probably want to hide certain things from ourselves and Heavenly Father. President Kimball talks about this tendency as self-justification—ways that we convince ourselves that the things we are ashamed of don’t matter.

What are some the ways we justify behavior that we know is not right?

If we live with integrity, we will keep our covenants, including baptismal and temple covenants. Temple covenants in particular are not about refraining from sin. They require action.

Dishonesty robs us of integrity. President Kimball was a businessman. In his employment and in working with members of the church in many callings, he saw many forms of financial and other dishonesty. He also warns against breaking rules or laws that we find inconsequential—like paying child’s price for an overage child.

What are the temptations to dishonesty that we experience?

It is truly important that we discipline ourselves to having integrity in small things. Our example matters to children who really do watch the choices and behavior of adults in their lives. It is also important to our own spiritual growth that we be honest with ourselves and with God.

Prez Says: Hard Sayings

From the inspired thoughts of our beloved President, Kathy Diehl:

Jesus was in the synagogue in Capernaum when He gave the speech that is known as the Bread of Life discourse (John 6:22-71). He explained that He was not the kind of Messiah the people wanted, that He was not here to free the Jews from Roman domination and oppression. He said that He had to be the kind of Messiah that His Father commanded Him to be. This was a huge disappointment to those who followed Jesus only because they had eaten loaves and fishes and were intrigued by His miraculous powers. They murmured, “This is an hard saying; who can hear it?” (v. 60) and John records, “From that time many...went back, and walked no more with him.” (v. 66)

In each of our lives we are faced with “hard sayings” that present us with decisions to be obedient, true disciples of Christ or to become bogged down and “walk no more with him.” The hard sayings are different for each of us. For some, tithing might be a hard saying. Serving a mission may be a hard saying for some young men or for some older couples. Accepting a calling may be a hard saying for others. Certain chronic problems, disappointments, or trials can be hard sayings. The adversary tempts us to give up, to get discouraged, and he is relentless in his deception that we can’t or won’t progress at mastering our hard sayings. He is the father of all lies, and would like nothing better than for us to “walk no more with (the Savior).”

Whatever your current hard sayings may be, never give up! Pray for insight, help and strength. Jesus Christ is the one and true Bread of Life. We will never regret our efforts to continue to walk with Him.

10 June 2007: SWK #11 Self-Reliance

Shauri Quinn taught our lesson today, SWK #11: "Provident Living: Applying Principles of Self-Reliance and Preparedness." She began by asking us what it means to be self-reliant. We answered that you can take care of yourself. Shauri divided the principle into three buckets: financial, spiritual, and emotional.

Financial self-reliance: be a nut saver; don't spend more than you take in; beware of credit cards and buying things that you don't have the cash to pay for. Learn to determine accurately the difference between a need and a want. Bargain shop, or don't shop at all. Get an education. Be prepared to support your family.

Spiritual self-reliance: practice/ develop confidence in getting answers to your own prayers. How do you know when the Lord is speaking to you? A priesthood blessing; study the scriptures; read Patriarchal blessing. In the end we can't be spiritually self-reliant because we're completely dependent on God. Stop trying to be self-reliant in that area; say "Uncle". Rely on God instead of the worldly things that you may put your trust or find security in. Self-reliance v. relying on God is a paradox. Remember two hymns: "I Need Thee Every Hour" and the line from "Guide Us O Thou Great Jehovah" that says "we are weak but thou art able..." He gives us tools, but we need to create a quiet place/ time in our lives so that we can tune in. Nobody else can get you to Heaven...you have to have your own testimony.

Shauri talked about how when she was younger she used to think about all the things that would change in her life, that she would do differently after she got married. She finally realized that she couldn't depend on a future spouse to spur her to action...she needed to act for herself now. I (Andrea) said that there are things I don't do now that I am married that I used to be better at when I was single because I tell myself that these things are my husband's responsibility. I can't do that...I need to take responsibility for myself.

Shauri asked us how self-reliance makes us free. Gwen said because you can sleep when the wind blows, you're prepared in the midst of a storm. If you are prepared, not only can you take care of yourself, but you can help others. The more dependent you are on others, the less freedom you have. Shauri gave the simple example of how her father couldn't upload his photos to his computer without Shauri's help. Because of this, he was dependent on her busy schedule if he wanted to get his pictures off his camera. Another example Shauri gave is of a flock of seagulls in St. Augustine, Florida, that didn't know how to fish for themselves because the shrimpers had always thrown them things to eat. When the shrimpers left the areas, the seagulls began to starve to death. We also talked about how our actions can enable the dependence of our loved ones. Linda remembered that President Kimball had once said that the most loving thing to do is the responsible thing. She uses this to guide her choices in regards to meeting the needs of others. When is it love, and when is it hurting the other person to do things for them?

Freedom from dependence is freedom from fear. Paula shared an experience that happened after a big power outage a few years ago. Corey got scared that they wouldn't have any water to drink. He was so relieved when Paula told him that they had a two week supply of water for every family member. His fear was gone. Michelle R. talked about how last year they were in a sticky situation financially, they panicked, they stopped praying for a short time. This year their financial situation is even worse, but they are in a much better place spiritually, and are not afraid like they were before. Heather said that Elder Eyring's father was on his death bed and he asked if he was prepared to die. His father said "I've been taking care of it along the way." Shauri said that we're often scared to lose someone we love to death, but faith can help take the fear away.

Emotional self-reliance: freedom from self-doubt. Lisa Q. said we can overcome self-doubt through experience, learning that we can do it. A key is having God's help throughout. She told us how the other day, she really needed a nap, but her two children's sleep schedules don't usually overlap. She prayed, asking God for 30 minutes of rest, and she got it. We need Heavenly Father as a companion. Lisa J. said it is hard to help others if we are absorbed with self-doubt, folding in on ourselves, filled with darkness. God's principles help us to be more shiny. Shauri said that self-reliance builds our self-esteem. She read us some selections from a book by Elizabeth Gilbert: Eat, Pray, Love. The author left the country to find herself. Her depression and loneliness followed her to Rome. She uses her journal to write to God, and she writes his answers back to her. She tells of a day that she saw a reflection of herself in a mirror and for a split second, mistook the image for a friend. She writes in her journal "never forget that once...you recognized yourself as a friend."

It is important to serve others. Shauri read us part of a letter from Delsa (Shauri's mother who is on a mission in Australia). In the letter, she shared the story some of the Elders in the mission told of helping a woman in a grocery store parking lot get her bags into the car. They were surprised because she just sat in the car and didn't try to help them. They later found out that she'd just had a c-section. President Kimball once said that there is a "constant flow of revealed communication" a river flowing next to us that we can drink of whenever we choose.

Prez Says: Do What We Can

Weekly words of wisdom by our fearless leader, Kathy Diehl:

“Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which in heaven is perfect,” (Matt. 5:48) can feel overwhelming, impossible, and guilt-provoking. But go back to verse 43, which is the beginning of the paragraph or thought, and read through verse 48. The passage when read in its entirety, talks about loving others. We are asked to love others perfectly, as our Father in heaven does.

Lazarus’ sister, Mary, bought an alabaster box filled with precious, very expensive ointment and poured it on Jesus’ head as he “sat at meat.” (Matt. 26:6-13; Mark 14:3-9; Luke 7:36-50). The apostles complained that she’d wasted her money, which could have helped many poor people. Jesus explained that they should not criticize Mary because she “wrought a good work...and she hath done what she could.” That’s all the Lord asks or expects—that we do what we can! In Luke’s account, Mary is described as “a sinner.” Jesus agreed that Mary had many sins, which had been forgiven, “for she loved much.”

We are asked to do what Mary did—to do what we can and to love much. Moroni 7:47-48 defines love as “charity, which is the pure love of Christ,” and says that this is a gift of the spirit. The Lord will give us, as a gift, what he’s asking from us! Let’s replace thoughts of perfectionism and needless guilt with the charge to ‘do what we can, and to love much.’

3 June 2007 Lesson: "Blessed Are The Peacemakers"

Today's lesson was taught by our very own Nan Mastie. We began by reading the Sermon on the Mount from Matthew 5. Nan referred to an article from the September 2001 Ensign by Robert Wells, "Peace on Earth." She read Elder Wells' description of the setting for the Sermon on the Mount:

"I like to think of when the sermon was first taught. In my mind’s eye, I see a scene of peaceful beauty: I envision an afternoon in early spring. The sky is softening toward dusk, with not even a breeze. White, wispy cirrus clouds stand almost motionless in the clear blue sky. And below, on the coast of the Sea of Galilee, soft waves lap against moored fishing boats. A group of people assembles on the side of the hill. Eager listeners sit on the grass or stand amidst the rocks and early spring flowers. All are hushed and thoughtful as every face is lifted up, every eye looking toward the Lord, and every ear listening as the Savior tells them what they need to do in order to have peace in their lives."

Then she read this statement by Elder Wells:

"To follow Christ and bring forth the blessings of heaven, we must actively make peace in the world, in the community, in the neighborhood, and above all, in the home we live in."

Nan said that sometimes a disruption in one area of our lives can mess up our peace in another area, like when we bring troubles from work home with us. She asked us how we pull back the reins and find peace when we are faced with trouble. What strategies work for us? Gwen said bite your tongue and pray for the correct words to come to you. Michelle R. said that when she has negative thoughts about herself it affects how she treats her children, the things she says, etc. She said I know I can change negative thoughts to positive with help from prayer. Nan told us that the Bishop had asked the Youth to be peacemakers at home for one month, and then report back on their efforts. Some of the things they found were that they didn't engage in argument as much, and they learned that they didn't have to have the last word.

Nan helps to run a child care center. She has a parent that is very argumentative that she has been dealing with. He confronted her at work, yelling at her and trying to catch her off guard. She had similar confrontations with him on the phone, which left her crying. She prayed for help before seeing him the next time. She asked for calmness and for the ability to speak clearly. She was surprised when he began their next encounter by apologizing for his argumentative style, excusing his behavior by saying that he is a lawyer (Nan thought of many other lawyers she knows that are not argumentative). But their talk ended peacefully.

Then Nan told the story from Elder Wells' article about when President Harold B. Lee was asked by the Press to make a statement about the Vietnam War. He said:

“We, together with the whole Christian world, abhor war. But the Savior said, ‘In me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation’ ” (John 16:33). President Lee then explained, “The Savior was not talking about the peace that can be achieved between nations, by military force or by negotiation in the halls of parliaments. Rather, he was speaking of the peace we can each have in our own lives when we live the commandments and come unto Christ with broken hearts and contrite spirits” (see “Be a Friend, a Servant, a Son of the Savior,” Ensign, Nov. 1982, 70).

Peace-making, said Nan, is about our peace inside, not about "making peace" between others. Nan said that she had felt the same feeling Sondra talked about last week when she saw the Mortensens in Sacrament Meeting the week before (Rob Mortensen is one of our former Bishops). The thing Sondra said, and Nan seconded, was that seeing old friends from the ward filled her with a sense of love and family, the peace of coming home, of being gathered together. Both women were moved to tears by when they unexpectedly saw old friends from the ward. One of the blessings of visiting teaching is the opportunity to come together and have peace with one another.

Nan asked us to share how we are able to find peace. Lisa said that as a former law enforcement officer, she always thinks of how the police call their batons "peace makers." And sometimes she wants to make peace that way, especially with certain people. But she remembers a time when she was having a conflict with some other members of the ward and President Quinn asked her if she wanted to be right, or if she wanted to be effective. Now she asks herself that question a lot, especially when interacting with her children. Usually she just waits until the right time, or her children come to the realization on their own.

Kathy told a story about an email she received from Marilyn this past week. Kathy had had a discouraging week, but Marilyn's email helped her feel better. Marilyn talked about how her daughter was visiting, and she prayed in the morning for a good experience with her. A few hours later her daughter got in an accident that ripped the bumper off of Marilyn's car. Marilyn made a conscious choice to believe that her prayer from that morning was effective, in spite of what had happened. Later that day, Marilyn's daughter was rear-ended in Detroit, in a more serious accident, but was not hurt. Marilyn saw that her prayer had been answered, and that her daughter had been protected from physical harm. The second accident put the ripped-off bumper into perspective. Kathy's comment was how important it is that we share with each other and try to be open and truthful.

Jill said that writing in her journal helps her find peace. Sondra said that before entering a difficult situation, she prays for compassion. By trying to choose compassion it got her mind off of herself and how difficult the situation was for her personally. Nan closed by saying that when we can find and hold on to our peace, the heavens open up, and we can receive revelation and comfort from our Heavenly Father.

Prez Says: Getting to Know God

I don’t know who said, “I was betrayed by the tyranny of urgent situations,” but I find it too often true in my life. Isn’t there always something that needs to be done or someone who needs or wants something? To do the best you can each day does not mean to do the most you can. When we try to put too much in one day, it just doesn’t work.

We can become so focused and insistent on reaching certain self-imposed goals that we can begin to view those goals as ends in and of themselves. It’s not just daily life tasks and goals that beckon and can distract us. Our church goals are a means to an end—even going to the temple is a means to an end. So what’s the great goal in life? I believe that it’s to get to know God, to build a relationship with Him, and to know His Son. Read Jesus’ Intercessory prayer (John 17) where he says, “This is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.” We must be careful not to focus on the quantity of tasks and goals we have accomplished. In order for us to know God, it requires putting aside our list of tasks and goals, and to schedule ‘Be still and know days’ (see Psalm 46:10). 3 Nephi 13:34 reminds us that “sufficient is the day” to do the things that really matter.

Knowing God is a lifetime endeavor. The scriptures are filled with accounts of how others came to know God and Jesus Christ. Samuel, Nephi, Paul, Joseph Smith, and others can guide us to trust and better know God. To know Him is to know and experience His love. Then as we set goals and do things for others, we emulate his pure love and move toward becoming like Him rather than focusing on how many tasks we can get done each day.

Sondra's notes from 27 May 2007 lesson

Sisters, here is a copy of Sondra's notes from the 27 May lesson:

Fortifying Ourselves against Evil Influences

Spencer W. Kimball Chapter 10

* “Fortify” means to strengthen. The Latin root, “fortis,” also means powerful and morally courageous and steadfast. Courage, power and steadfastness begin with choices.

* President Kimball taught that we only have to decide once to obey a gospel principle or resist temptations, and when we are faced with that temptation, we will not have to reconsider how we want to act. We are much more open to temptation if we are undecided. We still must consciously resist temptations, especially when our choice to do so is fresh, but over time our resistance will become second nature, and we will have developed a trained response.

* President Kimball also taught that it is much easier to resist evil influences in the first place than to return from sin. Christ when tempted by Satan responded without hesitation. The scriptures indicate that He did not open the door to Satan’s influences by listening to his full argument or thinking over what he had to offer.

* We are all subject to evil influences. Satan is very subtle. He tempts us in small ways that we think don’t matter. He uses all possible approaches to confuse us, to help us rationalize and to weaken our resolve. He uses all our senses, our time, our interests, the ordinary tools of daily life, our desires and ambitions, our character weaknesses (which he knows). He can turn anything to his purposes. He uses all of our vulnerabilities.

* Evil influences aren’t just the big things that we know to avoid, like substances, pornography, extremism, abuse or sexual promiscuity. We must be aware of the unique and subtle ways that Satan tempts us. What are the small and insidious ways that he is tempting you?

* We must fortify ourselves against these influences. Ephesians We must choose not to give in to them, even if we have in the past. We must practice not giving in, until over time, we are no longer vulnerable to those influences.

* We must seek the help of the Lord to make a bold stand before Satan. “He who has greater strength than Lucifer, he who is our fortress and our strength, can sustain us in times of great temptation. While the Lord will never forcibly take anyone out of sin or out of the arms of the tempters, he exerts his Spirit to induce the sinner to do it with divine assistance. And the [wo]man who yields to the sweet influence and pleadings of the Spirit and does all in [her] power to stay in a repentant attitude is guaranteed protection, power, freedom and joy.”

27 May 2007: SWK #10 Fortifying Ourselves Against Evil Influences

Sisters, I'm sorry I've gotten so behind in posting the notes for our lessons! A few new features since my last post: 1) I've added some links at the side of this blog for your convenience; 2) Kathy is now sending me the weekly Prez Says messages to post; 3) I've started putting links to the manual and to scripture references in the body of my post...just click on any words that are a different color to see how it works.

Sondra Soderborg taught our lesson today from the Spencer W. Kimball manual #10: "Fortifying Ourselves Against Evil Influences." Fortify means to strengthen. It comes from the root fortis, which means moral courage, power. President Kimball is very clear in this lesson that the way to fortify ourselves is to learn to resist sin. He says (108-109):

"Right decisions are easiest to make when we make them well in advance, having ultimate objectives in mind; this saves a lot of anguish at the fork, when we’re tired and sorely tempted.

"When I was young, I made up my mind unalterably that I would never taste tea, coffee, tobacco, or liquor. I found that this rigid determination saved me many times throughout my varied experiences. There were many occasions when I could have sipped or touched or sampled, but the unalterable determination firmly established gave me good reason and good strength to resist.

"...The time to decide that we will settle for nothing less than an opportunity to live eternally with our Father is now, so that every choice we make will be affected by our determination to let nothing interfere with attaining that ultimate goal.16

"Develop discipline of self so that, more and more, you do not have to decide and redecide what you will do when you are confronted with the same temptation time and time again. You only need to decide some things once!

"How great a blessing it is to be free of agonizing over and over again regarding a temptation. To do such is time-consuming and very risky.17

"We can push some things away from us once and have done with them! We can make a single decision about certain things that we will incorporate in our lives and then make them ours—without having to brood and redecide a hundred times what it is we will do and what we will not do.

"Indecision and discouragement are climates in which the Adversary lives to function, for he can inflict so many casualties among mankind in those settings. … If you have not done so yet, decide to decide!"

President Kimball was the prophet when Sondra was a teenager. She clearly remembers him saying that there are some things that we only need to decide once. But when temptations come, even if we've decided how we will resist beforehand, the pulls can be very strong. But we can prepare ourselves. She remembers Bill and Joyce Connett's son, Heath, saying that he was afraid of what would happen if he stopped reading his scriptures. He was afraid to break the habit that he'd created for himself. In order to succeed, you only have to try again one more time than you give up or fail. Mortality is an infinite process of trying to be better.

President Kimball talks about Christ's response to the devil's temptations in Matthew 4: 3-10 He says that he believes the Savior was prepared in advance for Satan's attack--he responded quickly and without flirtation. He didn't even entertain the ideas. Satan is really subtle, smart, and powerful. He'll tempt us in the ways we're most vulnerable. When we do certain things, temptations can't reach us in the same ways. Satan knows us. Many of us have counsel about our vulnerabilities in our Patriarchal Blessings. Laurie W. said that Satan exploits our weaknesses, while God strengthens them. Michelle R. said that when we follow prophetic counsel we should ask God for the attendant blessings. Tiffani pointed out that the Savior's response to each of Satan's temptations was a scripture reference. She emphasized the importance of reading the scriptures daily.

Sondra said that in her life, she tends to resist checklists. She is not a highly organized person--she does better if she stays flexible. However, she said, I regret that I've not held myself to a higher checklist standard with certain things in the gospel. There are some things worth checking off. Kathy said that there is a type of therapy they use with their patients in which they tell them to do just what is needed...no more, and no less. Some things are needed and some are optional. We also need to ask ourselves "what do I need" (not the house, our employer, etc.) Andrea (me) said that the idea of doing "perfect" scripture study gets in the way...thinking I need to sit down with a notebook and a red pencil and read for an hour. When I can't do this, I don't do anything. In fact, it would be better to just read a verse than to wait for the perfect opportunity. Sondra said that what we need is a moment with the scriptures. We all struggle with different things--some more obvious, some subtle. Think for a minute about ways that Satan is working on you right now. Pat said that when we compare ourselves to others, we come up short, become discouraged, and stop trying. Sondra said that Satan distorts the natural bonds between women. Ollie said that Satan bothers us most in the areas where our involvement is greatest--the things that we most love and care about, like our children. Sondra said that Satan is psychologically astute. He "plays" us. He is deeply manipulative, and comes back again and again. Natalie said there can be simple answers to the deception. The gospel is not too complicated and we can be helped in simple ways. We don't have to be astute to fight him. Sondra said that we are equipped by the Lord himself. She read us one of her favorite scriptures, Ephesians 6: 11-18. Christ is stronger than Satan. President Kimball says (105):

"He who has greater strength than Lucifer, he who is our fortress and our strength, can sustain us in times of great temptation. While the Lord will never forcibly take anyone out of sin or out of the arms of the tempters, he exerts his Spirit to induce the sinner to do it with divine assistance. And the man who yields to the sweet influence and pleadings of the Spirit and does all in his power to stay in a repentant attitude is guaranteed protection, power, freedom and joy."

The small acts we do have a protecting influence that is real. Committed service to the Church is a way we are fortified.