Prez Says: Let Go

The Prez Says… One quiet afternoon an 18-month old girl was playing under the kitchen table. She suddenly let out a piercing shriek, followed by louder, wilder, eardrum splitting screams. Her mother dragged her out from under the table and looked her over. Her tiny fist, clenched in a death grip, was swollen twice its normal size. As her fingers were pried open, a wasp flew out. She had been stung multiple times because her instinct was to clutch her hand tightly because of the pain. She had not yet learned that wasps do more damage when held tightly than when hands are kept open.

I haven’t been bothered by a wasp lately, but I have been worried, anxious, and bothered about something. I have clenched the worry tightly inside, acutely aware of its accompanying pain and suffering, but not letting go of it. I’ve been afraid that if I let go, things won’t turn out the way I want them to. There’s a part of me that is certain that there is a way for me to control the situation and outcome. Like that toddler, it appears that I haven’t yet learned that more damage is done by holding on tightly than by letting go of my willful agenda.

Mormon declared, “And now, I do not know all things; but the Lord knoweth all things which are to come; wherefore, he worketh in me to do according to his will.” (Words of Mormon 1:7) I know that God has a plan for each of us, and it is only by submitting and opening ourselves to Him that we can begin to realize His will for us. He knows us and our possibilities much better than we do. We can trust His loving omniscience. Such trust is not a singular decision or event, but is chosen and practiced throughout our lives. I recognize that I’ve been holding tight to a worry, and I see the folly of thinking that I know best about how things should turn out. I am letting go of this pesky “wasp” to put myself in the Lord’s hands. He fully knows what’s best for me.

8 July 2007

Sorry, Sisters...I attended Relief Society in Washington D.C. today. I sure missed you. Please write in if you made it to our lesson.

Prez Says: Land of the Free

The Prez Says… This past week we once again celebrated our nationhood, on the anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Living in America is a blessing worth thinking about more frequently than on national holidays. There is no country that compares with the United States. America is a land of promise, a land of choice above all others, founded by good and noble men who were inspired by God. This land was not only founded by God, but preserved by Him. We owe our privileges and prosperity to God, and we have a responsibility to govern this land with righteousness. Proverbs 14:34 confirms that “righteousness exalteth a nation.”

More than 175 years ago, French historian and philosopher Alexis de Tocqueville visited America to observe and analyze why freedom was successful here. He reported, “Not until I went to the churches of America and heard her pulpits aflame with righteousness did I understand the secret of her genius and power. America is great because she is good and if America ever ceases to be good, America will cease to be great.” He noted that it was goodness and righteousness that bound the melting pot of American citizens together. America can be no stronger than the goodness of her people. John Adams said, “To be good and to do good is all we have to do.”

Freedom is not free. Each of us has the opportunity and responsibility to do good and to live righteously to keep America great. Let us never take for granted the blessing and privilege of living in this free country.

1 July 2007: Kathy Diehl on The Atonement

When we arrived in RS today, Kathy had already written this quote on the board, by Bruce Hafen:

"While no other success of ours can compensate for failures within or outside our homes, there is a success that can compensate when we cannot, after we conscientiously do all we can. That success is the Atonement of Jesus Christ, which can mend what for us is beyond repair."

Kathy began the lesson by talking about the Mackinac Bridge, which is celebrating its 50th anniversary this year. It is the 3rd longest bridge in the world, and the longest suspension bridge. It is made of 42,000 miles of cable, and is 55 stories high. Before it opened, it could take as long as 24 hours waiting in line to get on the ferry that connected the upper and lower peninsulas. Several people died while making the bridge, but we usually don't think about how it was built. That is, unless we happen to be on the bridge during a storm. Then we might find ourselves wondering if it was really built to withstand the wind or the rain or the ice, and when it holds, we may think gratefully of those who designed and built it. Life can be like that...when it is smooth we don't give much thought to those who sacrificed before us, including the Savior. But in times of trouble, our minds are turned to Him.

Our theme for Relief Society this year is softening our hearts, and each of the presidency-discretion lessons, which are taught on the first Sunday of the month, is designed to help us think more about this theme. Thinking about the Savior and His atoning sacrifice helps to soften our hearts.

We can't talk about the atonement without mentioning the plan of salvation and the fall of Adam and Eve. Kathy grew up in the Catholic church, where it was clearly taught that if Adam and Eve hadn't transgressed and partaken of the forbidden fruit, we would all still be living in paradise. The restored gospel teaches us that Adam and Eve's decision, instead of being a mistake, was a necessary part of God's plan for us. Without their transgression, we would never have been born. What did Adam and Eve learn after they left the garden?

TB: They learned that parenting is really hard.
Kathy: They learned all about troubled families.
OT: They learned the power of obedience.
Kathy: They learned by experience along the way. Did they ever make mistakes? They weren't perfect, but they learned along the way.
SP: They had a long time to learn. They lived 800 years of so. I'm glad for how old I am because of all I learn each year.
Kathy: The fall gives us the chance to learn. The plan of salvation is developmental. Although Christ atoned for their sins, that did not mean that Adam and Eve got to go back to the Garden and to the way things were before.
TB: They learned the power of loneliness. There were no other adults for them to talk to. Eve had no other women to help her through childbirth. They were cut off from God. They felt such an intense drive to reconnect with God, and this opportunity was provided them by the atonement.
Kathy: They experienced life in God's presence, as well as life separated from His presence.

NM: One of my husband's ancestors died while working on the Mackinac Bridge. Because of that, crossing the bridge is a very meaningful experience for his family. It means something personal to them. The atonement needs to be personal for each one of us.
Kathy: Look at the word "one" embedded in the word "atonement." The atonement happens one person at a time. Adam and Eve learned about hard work, they learned about not having enough resources, they learned about conflict with children and each other. Sometimes we think that because of our problems we're not going to make it back to God's presence. But we are here on earth to have problems. Ether 12:27 tells us that God gives us weaknesses so that we can be humble, and that if we'll come to Him, He will help our weaknesses become strengths. If we are becoming more aware of our weaknesses, we're getting closer to God. Bruce R. McKonkie once said that a lot more people are going to make it to God's kingdom than we think. We just need to want that with all our hearts.

LQ: Small daughter called out to her from bed. She went in to her to comfort her and then asked, why do you call out? Why don't you just come to me? The small girl answered that she wanted to know that her mother was there and was listening to her. As L. went back to her room, she felt the Lord asking her, "why don't you just come to me?" She realized that even when she doesn't go to Him for help, He comes to her.

Kathy: What do we need to do to access the blessings of the atonement?
LJ: How do you get a relationship with the Savior, or with anyone? Through repentance. At times you can't create a sense of well-being for yourself, but on your knees in prayer, if floods your soul. Try to read and understand what happened when Christ atoned for our sins.
Kathy: What a blessing repentance is. How good it is to go to Him and pour out our hearts. Picture summer on Temple Square in Salt Lake City. How do you think those gardens got that way?
LH: When I'm out in my garden weeding, I think of Adam and Eve, and how they learned about "noxious weeds." It inspires me to keep weeding. I think a lot of weeding goes on at Temple Square.
Kathy: What happens to weeds if we mow them down? We need to pull them out by the roots. This is similar to repentance.

OT: A friend is having problems with her son. She says that she know the Lord won't let certain bad things happen to him. I want to help her understand that we need to repent, and get a clean opening, a connection with God so that we can really pray and find out from Him the truth of things.
Kathy: Faith does not protect us from bad things.
LS: The flowers on Temple Square receive individualized attention. I need to find my own answers to my personal questions and needs, not a general blanket answer for the whole church. I need personal instruction from God.

MR: Ryan Earp recently taught a lesson in Elder's Quorum about the atonement. He presented a scenario that he'd heard in a class at BYU. The professor said suppose you committed sexual sins before your mission, but repented and served honorably. Now you are engaged to a worthy young woman who asks if you've ever had problems with the law of chastity. What do you answer her? The BYU professor said the correct answer is to tell her no, you've never had a problem with that law. This is because you have repented and been cleansed by the Lord through the atonement, and it is as if that sin never occurred. This story has helped M. be more forgiving of the mistakes that she makes. She can tell herself that because of her sincere repentance and the atonement, it is as if those mistakes never happened.

Kathy: We often get caught up in the phrase "after all that we can do." How do we know when we have done all we can?
TB: I try to do it alone. But Jesus needs to be with us through the whole process. I recently tried to imagine him with me every step of the way, and I knew when I'd done all that I could do and could then turn it over to Him. We need to let go of our control-everything lives. Ask the Savior to walk with you from the beginning.
Kathy: It is scary to give up control. As I was preparing this lesson, it wasn't coming together. I got her today and it still didn't feel together. I don't like to feel out of control. But when we let go and let the spirit guide it is OK. The atonement compensates for more than just sin. It covers any kind of pain, difficulty, loneliness, disappointment, mistake, inadequacy. He bled from every pore for each person. There is no greater expression of love. As I think about the Savior, it does soften my heart.

Prez Says: Maintaining Good Relationships

The Prez Says… Last week I received an e-mail at work with the subject line screaming in capital letters, “YOU ARE DELINQUENT!” The manager who sent it wrote the entire message in caps, saying that “high level administrators” knew that my mandatory training requirement wasn’t done, that there had been repeated messages to do it, and that it had to be done by 5 p.m. or there would be “consequences.” I was out of the office that day, and replied that I had completed the requirement a month earlier, and that I had a full day of appointments and obligations. I said that if I could access the training site remotely I would redo it that day, but if not, I’d redo it the next morning before 8 a.m. The manager replied that getting this job task done took precedent over anything else I had to do in my life. I was offended, angry and upset for the next 2 days about being treated so insensitively. Ironically, the training topic was about restraint and seclusion of patients, which isn’t even applicable in my adult outpatient clinic setting. There was no quiz involved, just acknowledgment that the policy had been read. It was ultimately confirmed that I had completed the requirement over a month earlier, but an IT systems error hadn’t registered my completion.

I believe that there is no job task at work that is more important than the relationship between the supervisor and employee. It is essential that employees know that they are respected, cared about, and valued. Even difficult situations can be effectively resolved when approached with the goal of maintaining the relationship. When I have a boss (or leader) who is genuine regarding having a good relationship, I am more motivated.

Isn’t this true in all areas of life? There is no task, possession, or checklist that is more important than maintaining a good relationship with our family and others. Our greatest impact is in our personal relationships. We need to pay attention and listen carefully to those we supervise (or serve) as well as to those who supervise (and serve) us. We are to “increase and abound in love one toward another, and toward all men,” (1 Thess.3:12) and “be willing to communicate.” (1 Tim. 6:18)

This week I spoke with my manager and shared my thoughts about relationships being more important than job tasks. She has been a manager for only a year, and had never thought about this. She thanked me, said that she’d never send another e-mail like the offending one, and asked if I would be willing to meet with her periodically to discuss leadership principles. I agreed. I can share a lot about leadership principles—I learned them from my church leaders as they have taught and lived gospel principles.

Introducing Jessica J. Loftus Edwards

This past Sunday we were pleased to meet the newest member of our Relief Society, Jessica Edwards. Here is a short introduction she wrote for us:

"I was born in California and moved to Michigan when I was only a few months old. I received a scholarship to Wayne State University in Detroit and that is where I received my Bachelors and Masters Degrees in Physics. Yes, I am a geek. I met my husband in 2000 at an Institute class in Westland and he is also a local who served his mission in Argentina. We were married at the end of 2000 and had been living in Taylor, MI until our move here to Ann Arbor. We are expecting our first child, a girl, in the middle of October."

Welcome to Ann Arbor, Jessica (and husband, Mike)!

24 June 2007: Michelle Rackley teaches "The Tongue of Angels"

Our lesson today, taught by Michelle Rackley, was based on Jeffrey R. Holland's April 2007 General Conference address, "The Tongue of Angels." We started by spending a few minutes writing down silently any thought that came to our minds on a piece of paper. Then we labeled each thought as negative or positive. Michelle emphasized that no thought was neutral. Ask yourself, she said, if the thought leads you towards hope and faith, or anger and doubt.

Michelle then summarized some of the main points of Elder Holland's talk. He mentioned the power of our words. He encouraged us to speak more kindly. She read us this quote from the talk:

I love what Elder Orson F. Whitney once said: “The spirit of the gospel is optimistic; it trusts in God and looks on the bright side of things. The opposite or pessimistic spirit drags men down and away from God, looks on the dark side, murmurs, complains, and is slow to yield obedience.” We should honor the Savior’s declaration to “be of good cheer.” (Indeed, it seems to me we may be more guilty of breaking that commandment than almost any other!)

Then she told us that she wanted to focus her lesson on this part of Elder Holland's talk:

In all of this, I suppose it goes without saying that negative speaking so often flows from negative thinking, including negative thinking about ourselves. We see our own faults, we speak—or at least think—critically of ourselves, and before long that is how we see everyone and everything. No sunshine, no roses, no promise of hope or happiness. Before long we and everybody around us are miserable.

Our thoughts determine what we say, as well as our actions. In trying to think of examples of people from the scriptures who changed their negative thoughts into positive ones, Michelle remembered Nephi in 2 Nephi 4. She also thought of Joseph Smith's prayers in the Doctrine and Covenants. Both of these men were able to change their thoughts from despair to praise for God. Eric suggested that Michelle try to find examples of more ordinary people from the scriptures who weren't prophets, but who also succeeded in combating negative thoughts. she read to us an example of a group of ordinary people in Ether 6: 5-11

5 And it came to pass that the Lord God caused that there should be a ^afurious wind blow upon the face of the waters, ^btowards the promised land; and thus they were tossed upon the waves of the sea before the wind.

6 And it came to pass that they were many times buried in the depths of the sea, because of the mountain waves which broke upon them, and also the great and terrible tempests which were caused by the fierceness of the wind.

7 And it came to pass that when they were buried in the deep there was no water that could hurt them, their vessels being ^atight like unto a dish, and also they were tight like unto the ^bark of Noah; therefore when they were encompassed about by many waters they did cry unto the Lord, and he did bring them forth again upon the top of the waters.

8 And it came to pass that the wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land while they were upon the waters; and thus they were ^adriven forth before the wind.

9 And they did ^asing praises unto the Lord; yea, the brother of Jared did sing praises unto the Lord, and he did ^bthank and praise the Lord all the day long; and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord.

10 And thus they were driven forth; and no monster of the sea could break them, neither ^awhale that could mar them; and they did have light continually, whether it was above the water or under the water.

11 And thus they were driven forth, ^athree hundred and forty and four days upon the water.

She asked us to picture ourselves on a road trip with all of our extended family, friends, and animals, for 340 days. Could you sing praises to God? When I feel myself passing through a tempest, she said, I spend my time asking God for help, not singing his praises. She also read us Alma 62:41

41 But behold, because of the exceedingly great length of the war between the Nephites and the Lamanites many had become hardened, because of the exceedingly great length of the war; and many were softened because of their ^aafflictions, insomuch that they did humble themselves before God, even in the depth of humility.

She asked herself if she would be the person who hardened her heart in the midst of a war, or if her heart would be softened.

To open the time for a discussion of how our thoughts have affected us at different times in our life, Michelle shared this experience of her own. On Tuesday, her son broke his leg. They didn't realize it was broken, and when the nurse came back in with the x-rays, they were shocked. Michelle was flooded with negative thoughts. As she walked across the hospital from her son's appointment to her own ultrasound, she remembered this lesson that she was preparing. She prayed that God would take away her negative thoughts. It didn't happen right away, but comforting, positive thoughts began slipping into her mind bit by bit over the next few hours. During the time of her purely negative thoughts, she could feel herself being snappy with the doctors and nurses, and she knew that it was only a matter of time before she turned on her husband and children. She told us that she knows a broken leg isn't as big a problem as many of the problems of sisters in our ward, but she hoped we would be willing to share with the class any experience, large or small, where our thoughts affected us.

S.S. was the first to speak. She told us about how her husband is one of eight children, and when she first learned of this, S. thought his mother must be crazy. When she met her, she couldn't believe how nice she was, and thought she must be faking it. S. found out that her husband's mother had made a covenant with God after her first few children were born that she would not raise her voice with her children, or say any negative things to them. S. could not believe that a person could do this, but her husband told her that his mother had indeed kept her promise to the Lord. S.'s initial reaction was to say to herself that yelling a lot at your kids is not that big of a deal. But when she hears her 7 1/2 year old emulating her, mothering her little sisters, and she raises her voice with them, S. can see that she doesn't want that for her family. She told us that she has been reading her scriptures and praying for help to not be harsh or nasty in her reactions to her children. She feels better about herself and her relationship with them. She can now see where her mother-in-law was coming from when she made this commitment to the Lord, and it gives her a direction to aim for.

Next, L.J. shared a strategy that worked for her. She has never been much of a little kid person, but she knew she wanted big kids, and thus had to start with little ones. She just told herself this over and over when her children were small (have to have little kids to get big kids), and it helped her get through her days.

P.F. told us that she struggles daily with negative thoughts. In her work, she is in front of people all day, and has to be so careful to not start down a negative path in her mind so that she can control what she says and does around her customers. She has made a commitment to study the scriptures in the morning before work. She has never been a very good memorizer, but the other day she found some scriptures that she really wanted to learn to help her with her negative thoughts. She was able to memorize 4 verses in 10 minutes, which is a miracle. Those 4 verses, as well as the words to a hymn that took her two months to memorize, repeated over and over, along with a constant prayer in her heart, help her get through the difficult moments.

Michelle responded by saying that during our Mother's Day musical tribute, she heard the song "I Feel My Savior's Love" and felt prompted to memorize that word to that hymn. She also mentioned the title of a book her mother had once read: "You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought." She said that negative thinking actually causes physiological changes to take place in our bodies that are harmful to us.

S.S. said that when she feels tension at home and wants to yell she has been trying to break into song instead. Her children know the words to many primary songs, and singing these cuts the tension.

S.S. (#2) said in response to P.F. that she has felt a sweet feeling around her place of business and now she realizes that it was the Spirit brought by P.'s prayers and efforts. She also said that when she is having a hard week she reminds herself that in just a few days she'll be back together with her fellow saints on Sunday.

T.B. said that she beats herself up constantly. When she has a bad thought, she gets upset with herself for having it. She's learned that if she can embrace the thought, it helps her to deal with and move past it. She said that as a child she was surrounded by the darkness of her parents' unkindnesses toward her. As hard as she tries to change her thoughts today, their voices still echo in her head, dragging her down. She prays every day for help, but it is not enough.

To this, Michelle responded, "it is enough." She said that she had wanted to talk about exceptions. She told us that for those of us with backgrounds of abuse, or who struggle with depression and other mental illnesses, it is harder to fight negative thoughts. She said that in praying for a loved one recently, who struggles with untreated depression and bipolar illness, and can be unkind, she felt the Lord tell her that this loved one is doing everything He wants her to do, and that in His eyes she is just fine. Heavenly Father understands our struggles and the origins of them. She read us a quote by David O. McKay, who said that the thought in our mind right now is contributing to the shaping of our soul. How we think, Michelle said, affects how we look. We can become more beautiful by filling our minds with positive thoughts. Others will be more attracted to us, and feel that they are near their Savior when they are with us. She asked us to get out our papers where we had written our thoughts. She told us that for every negative thought on our paper, we should write a positive response to it. She thanked us for sharing our experiences with the class, and for baring our souls. She told us that God has given us the ability to change our negative thoughts through prayer and the Atonement so that we can be filled with light.